I Honestly Don't Mean To

I'm a jerk, I know it, I've accepted it, but I have not dealt with it. Yes, I do treat people like shit, but no I don't do it on purpose. Yes, I am an ass but I honestly don't want to be. I often slip up and act like a jerk, and every time I do, I feel horrible about it and feel like I have to make it up to the person somehow even though I can never make up for the way I treated them.  Yes, I've lost friends because of it, and yes I am disappointed and ashamed. Yes, I often think about what my life would be like if I were nicer to people, and yes I do think it would be better but no I won't fret over what could have been but rather what could be. Yes I do act like a complete douche but no I don't try to. I honestly don't try to, but I don't know why it happens. I'm very surprised I still have friends because nobody should ever be treated the way I treat people. People don't understand how hard I've tried to work on this because trust me it hurts me too. I'm sorry, I'm sorry to everyone that I've treated with disrespect, everyone I've treated badly, everyone I've been a jerk to, heck everyone I've ever talked to. I'm sorry I don't mean to be this way.